More important than whether you can actually afford earrings that cost more than four years of college tuition, or how much use you’d really get out of a gold-filled necklace that doubles as a vibrator, are the imaginative conversations each of these Goopland creations elicit: who would spend $2,000 on a rose quartz checkers set they’ll never play, and what room is the best place to light a “Smells Like My Vagina” candle?
In fact, the Goop gift guide might make the perfect conversation to have over a romantic Valentine’s dinner, perhaps topped off by Paltrow-approved Roe Caviar.
Thankfully, there are also more realistic gift ideas on this year’s list — ones that don’t cost more than $100 and will still make you feel like the type of person to have a chic LSD trip in the name of self care.
Below, shop the best pieces from Goop’s Valentine’s Gift Guide.
The Most Expensive
Ruby Chrona Chandelier Earrings
Totaling $77,000, these enchanting earrings top Goop’s list as the most expensive gift on the guide. But you get what you pay for if you have the savings; Pavé diamonds line a yellow gold base from which dozens of emerald-cut rubies dangle like a chandelier. The statement piece makes the perfect accessory to pair with swept back hair and a dressed-up fit for date night.
Identity Diamond Link Bracelet
A classic gold link bracelet never goes out of style, and better yet if it’s topped off with white diamonds for some added sparkle. The pavé-diamond encrusted bar is inspired by engraved identity plates; but rather than words, the rocks speak for themselves. The elongated yellow-gold links work for stacking with other pieces in your collection, or wearing as a standalone accessory for daily wear.
Large Strap Heart Pendant Necklace
What’s particularly great about this dazzling pendant necklace is that it doubles as a charm, meaning you can detach the rubellite jewel to wear the gold chain on its own or transfer it to a bracelet for a more understated piece.
The Most Indulgent
Edie Parker Checkers in Rose Quartz
Game night just became a lot more chic. This gorgeous rose quartz checkers set deserves prime bookshelf real estate, whether you fancy yourself a game night aficionado or not. Display it next to your coffee table books in the living room, or bring it out on a special occasion for guests.
Roe Caviar White Sturgeon Caviar Gift Set
Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to indulge in the finest food, and according to Goop that means white sturgeon caviar (with no preservatives or additives, naturally). Sustainably farmed in California, the roe boast a rich, exceptional flavor. Plus, the gorgeous wooden box even comes packed with a mother-of-pearl spoon to ensure every part of your dining experience is up to Goop standards.
Higherdose Infrared Sauna Blanket
Forget face masks and jade rollers. To bring the spa to your home in Goopland means nothing short of an in-bed sauna, made possible by this infrared blanket layered with amethyst, tourmaline and charcoal.
The Most ‘Goop’
‘This Smells Like My Vagina’ Ceramic Air Freshener
If something claims to smell like a vagina but really has a scent that is more of a mix between bergamot and cedar, then you can be rest assured that you have one of the best Goop products in hand. The best-selling “This Smells Like My Vagina” candle is still available to buy on the site, but the newest products in the lineage include this ceramic air freshener, in addition to successive candles like “This Smells Like My Prenup” and “This Smells Like My Orgasm.”
It isn’t a Goop gift guide without one (or 24) vibrators on the list. Choose between the site’s dozens of curated options based on your own preferences or indulge in of their more high-end picks, which uses red light, vibration and gentle warmth to simulate pleasure. Plus, you can pair it with the Joylux Gold App to easily adjust settings without reaching for the controls.
Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace
You’ll likely have many realizations sifting through a Goop gift guide and today’s discovery, thanks to Crave, may be how much you needed a vibrator that doubles as a necklace. Made out of stainless steel and finished in 24-karat gold, this sleek bullet-shaped pendant has four speeds and two modes so you can transition from a night out to a night in with zero fuss. It doesn’t get more Goop than that.
The Most Realistic
La Doublej Dessert Plate, Set of 6
If you’re shopping for someone with more traditional expectations, these gorgeous porcelain dessert plates should do the trick. Each plate showcases unique designs, but together create a cohesive collection done up with geometric motifs in blues, greens and guava.
If your partner doesn’t necessarily need an infrared sauna blanket, you can gift them a restful night of sleep with these luxe sleep masks made out of silk. Choose between classic black or more colorful options such as red and pink.
Vitruvi Move Diffuser
The Move Diffuser wins for the most practical gift on this year’s Goop guide. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have all the extravagant bells and whistles that earned it a spot on the list. The diffuser is cordless and runs on a rechargeable battery, meaning you can display it anywhere in the house without worrying about finding an outlet, while a long battery life promises four hours of constant diffusing or eight hours of intermittent diffusing.